you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
