Me too!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
