I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
