My sheets look like a crime scene.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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