Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
