you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
