some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
