I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
