He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
