Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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