well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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