She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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