Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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