Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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