And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
