please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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