Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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