I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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