i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
