A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
