We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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