we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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