my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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