if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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