next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
