Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
