I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
