Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
