Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
