I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
