Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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