You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
