i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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