I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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