walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
