I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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