buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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