Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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