One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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