If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
