Banned from zoo.
Again?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
