I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
