swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
