Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
