and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
