Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
