life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
