i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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