we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
