The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
