I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
